Lamb to the Slaughter

The sooner we do it, the sooner it’s done. Over with, behind you. 
I know I know, says she to me. 
The car revs up the slope. Sammy sits still. 
So still.

Pull into baking car park, roll windows down a crack. 
We’re a little early, shall we go for a walk? 
For god’s sake! I’ll boil. Just wait in the air con… I wish I didn’t have to- 
Bring your book. Don’t think about it. 

Everything is muted. Steady flourescents suspend time, discourage noise. Like swimming in quiet, deep water. We’ll have to break the surface eventually. 

Series of strangers. A shuffling old lady’s daughter speaks for her. Who did that mottled, raspy, sagging skin used to be? She used to speak for the child. Read ourselves to somewhere else.

Sammy Turner? Hi there! How are we today? 
Humph. Eyes dart, questioning me. Seeking escape, rescue. 
Come on. We’re ready, aren’t we Sammy?! 
Traitor. 

The lights are brighter here. Whiter. Somehow not as still. More charged. Above us, hunted animals flee across the savannah. Is this supposed to soothe? A lioness rips into her feast. 

Put these sunglasses on honey. 
Eyes find me before the darkness. They are begging now.  A tiny whimper and threatening jerk to bolt. I hold her feet. Reassure her toes. 
Helpful. 

Don’t look now, looking doesn’t help. This will be a bit pinchy. 

Fine steel pierces flesh. In and in and in it goes. On and on and on we wait. So still, so brave! 
Then tears burst the dam and flood my child’s numb face. 

Noooo! Uh-uh. No more no more no more.
Hand guarding, eyes stricken, panicked wall of resistance. 

Sing-song chorus of cheer greets her. 
You’re nearly there, you can do it, that was the hardest part! 
Liars.

I try tough love. 
We can’t sit here all day. We’ll just have to come back. Don’t waste my money!
That got her. Guilt inflicting guilt. 
This is what’s going to happen. Squeeze tight now.

Primal screams ricochet off the walls, explode through the door and fill the corridors with fright. Sounds like the agony of birth. Or the grief of death. The tearing of a veil of innocence. 
Forsaken. 

Another fear conquered, says the dentist to my trembling child. Do you want to keep the tooth?
She whimpers, nods. 
I chime in, No courage without fear! You did it, good girl. I’m so proud of you. 
So proud.